- “completely normal” Charles at home
Donning nothing but his favorite pair of white Fruit of the Looms, Charles Smith told reporters Sunday that his new medication seems to be working. “I feel as if I have a new lease on life.” Smith said while trying to open a door being held closed by the gas station attendant. Sources close to Charles say it’s only a matter of time before he hurts himself.
“When a door closes a new door opens.” Smith proclaimed while scraping a mustard stain off of his chest. Charles has been on and off of some sort of anti-depressant medication for most of his adult life. What started as a small depressive episode lasting for little more than a few days has blossomed into what Charles calls “complete mental clarity,” and what sources close to him are calling a complete loss of reality.
“Just because you suffer from schizophrenia and bi polar disorder doesn’t mean you can’t live a normal life” says Charles while he looks in the garbage can for a Kleenex box to put on his other foot. “It has taken a few weeks for the medication to take affect but now my mood swings are totally under control”. “He is completely out of control”, says sources close to him.
A source that wishes to remain anonymous reports that Charles was thrown out of Walgreens last week for taking his shirt off and snapping it at 4 packs of toilet paper. When asked about his new medication Charles responded with “two words; inexpensive, life-changing, tasty, banana and Molly Ringwald. Wait that’s three words but you get the point.”
Charles was prescribed Seroquel, a common prescription used to treat bi polar disorder and schizophrenia by his doctor. Sources close to Charles have reported that the prescription has not been filled. Charles, in between trying to bite the hair under his right arm, reported that his new drug of choice was “Flintstone Chewables”. Charles prefers the children’s vitamin as apposed to the FDA approved anti-psychotic because, “they are chewy, they have vitamins and most importantly they don’t mess with my head.”
Charles is looking forward to healing old wounds and repairing the relationships that he has damaged while bouncing back and forth from mania to depression. Sources say that Charles has to want help in order to be helped. When asked for a response to the previous statement made by a close friend Charles responded with, “Finally! A taxi is here. Gotta go.” Said the underwear clad Charles as the policeman escorted him to the back of the squad car.
